How to Move from Self-Awareness to Self-Improvement

我们都知道领导者需要自知才能更有效地管理。也就是说，领导者需要了解他们的优点、缺点、感受、想法和价值观，以及他们自己是如何影响周围人的。但这只是成功的一半。没有同样重要的技能：自我管理，光有自知是没有用处的。

We know that leaders need self-awareness to be effective. That is, an understanding of their strengths, weaknesses, feelings, thoughts, and values — as well as how they affect the people around them. But that’s only half of the story. Self-awareness is useless without an equally important skill: self-management.

以瑞克为例，他是我的一个客户。他不断得到组员们的反馈，指出他在会议上发言太频繁，而且时间太长。他告诉我，他想要改善这种行为，学习如何成为一个更有效率的参与者，以帮助他的团队做出更好的决策。在最近一次与15个人的会议上，他有30%的时间在发言，于是我请他评估自己的参与度。他回答说:“我知道我说得太多了，但我有很多想法要说。“然后他继续给我讲他的想法。瑞克很有自知之明，但他并没有达到他所能达到的效率，因为他缺乏自我管理。

A client of mine, we’ll call him Rick, serves as a case in point. He has been given repeated feedback that he speaks too often and for too long in meetings. He has told me that he wants to improve this behavior and learn how to be a more productive participant in order to help his team make better decisions. After a recent meeting with 15 people where he spoke for 30% of the time, I asked him to evaluate his participation. He replied, “I know I talked too much but I had a lot of points to make.” He then continued to tell me more about his ideas. Rick is very self-aware, but he isn’t as effective as he could be because he doesn’t self-manage.

自我管理是一种有意识的选择，以抵制一种偏好或习惯，从而表现出一种更有成效的行为。而实现自我管理需要这四个步骤:

Self-management is a conscious choice to resist a preference or habit, and instead, demonstrate a more productive behavior. It’s a four-step process:

1.活在当下。关注此刻正在发生的事情，而不是15分钟前说了什么，或者下次会议将会发生什么。

1.Be present. Pay attention to what is happening in this moment — not what was said 15 minutes ago or what will happen in your next meeting.

2.时刻保持自知。你正在看、听、感觉、做、说或想着什么?

2.Be self-aware. What are you seeing, hearing, feeling, doing, saying, and considering?

3.确定一系列的行为选择。你下一步想做什么?每一个行动的可能后果是什么?你得到的反馈会怎样影响你的选择?你能做出哪些选择——即使它们不是你想做的或不是你通常做的?

3.Identify a range of behavioral choices. What do you want to do next? What are the possible consequences of each action? What feedback have you gotten that might inform your choices? What are some alternative choices you can make — even if they’re not what you want to do or what you usually do?

4.有意识地选择那些被认为是最有成效的行为。什么行为会产生最好的结果——即使对你来说不是最容易的行为?

4.Intentionally choose behaviors that are believed to be the most productive. What behavior will generate the best outcome — even if it’s not the behavior that comes easiest to you?

对于瑞克来说，自我管理的步骤应该是这样的：

For Rick, self-management would look like this:

1.活在当下:“我专注于这次谈话，认真听取每个人的意见，关注正在发生的事情。”

1.Be present: “I’m focused on this conversation, really listening to everyone’s comments, and paying attention to what is happening.”

2.时刻保持自知:“我发现自己很兴奋，也渴望分享自己的想法。我想举个例子。我也意识到，房间里有很多人都在试图发言，我知道我有在会议上发言太频繁的倾向，而这可能会阻止其他人参与进来。”

2.Be self-aware: “I notice I’m excited and eager to share my ideas. I want to give an example. I also recognize there are a lot of people in the room who are trying to speak, and I know I have a tendency to speak too often in meetings, which can stop others from participating.”

3.确定一系列的行为选择:“我可以选择解释我的想法，或问一个有用的问题，或邀请其他人分享他们的想法，又或者选择静静地听。”

3.Identify a range of behavioral choices: “I could explain my ideas, ask a helpful question, invite others to share their ideas, or listen silently.”

4.有意识地选择那些被认为是最有成效的行为:“我将保留我的评论，留给时间去倾听别人的想法。尽管我真的很想分享我的想法，但人们一再告诉我，我说得太多了，不给别人发言的机会。而如果我现在倾听，我就会给别人这个机会。”

4.Intentionally choose behaviors that are believed to be the most productive: “I’m going to withhold my comments and instead listen to what others are saying. Even though I really want to share my ideas, I’ve been repeatedly told that I talk too much, and don’t give others a chance to contribute. If I listen now, I will finally be giving others that chance.”

让自我管理实施起来如此困难的原因可以追溯到它的定义。最有成效的行为往往与我们的习惯和偏好不一致。(如果一致的话，我们就不需要管理自己了。)

What makes self-management so hard goes back to the definition. The most productive behaviors are often not aligned with our habits and our preferences. (If they were, we would not need to manage ourselves.)

行为方式与你的喜好不一致会使你感到不舒服(“我总是在提问环节中先回答因为我担心别人回答错误”)或感到力不从心(“我不知道如何给出负面反馈”)，甚至令人不快(“我喜欢直截了当，但当我必须小心措辞时，我就会变得不耐烦”)。

Behaving in ways that aren’t aligned with your preferences can make you feel uncomfortable (“I always respond first in a Q&A. I worry others won’t get it right”), unskillful (“I don’t know how to give negative feedback”), and even unpleasant (“I like being direct and get impatient when I have to choose my words carefully”).

以与我们的习惯相矛盾的方式做事也会引起类似的负面反应。因为习惯给我们的大脑创造了一条捷径，不需要思考就能从刺激转向反应，这样既节省了时间，也节省了精力。但非习惯性行为要求我们思考情境，考虑选择，做出选择，然后展示与选择相一致的行为。这需要长期的努力。习惯的惯性使得它们很难改变。比起把精力花在培养新习惯上，改掉旧习惯更容易，也更令人愉快。

Operating in ways that contradict our habits can evoke similar negative reactions. With a habit, our brain creates a shortcut and moves from stimulus to response without thinking, saving both time and effort. But non-habitual behaviors require us to think about a situation, consider choices, make a choice, and then demonstrate the behavior that aligns with that choice. This takes work. The auto-pilot efficiency of habits is what make them so hard to change. It’s easier and more pleasant to default to an old habit than it is to invest the energy in creating a new one.

尽管实现自我管理会遭遇重重阻碍，自我管理仍是一个值得学习的技能，你可以从下面的步骤开始养成自我管理的习惯：

Despite these barriers, self-management is a learnable skill. This is how you can start:

1.发现需要加强自我管理的方面。关注你自己通常的状态——你说什么，做什么，不说什么，不做什么。确定当前方法没有像你希望的那样有效，并且你认为自我管理可能会很有帮助。例如，也许你像瑞克一样，在会议上说得太多。

1.Decide where you want to self-manage. Pay attention to how you typically operate — what you say and do and what you don’t say and don’t do. Identify instances where your current approach is not working as well as you’d like, and self-management might be useful. For example, maybe, like Rick, you talk too much in meetings.

2.发现并反思是什么导致你缺乏自我管理。在那些你没有进行自我管理的时刻，你需要注意你的感受、你的需求以及你看待周围事情的态度。是什么在驱动着你?是缺乏意识，想要自己看起来很好，缺乏技能，缺乏安全感，还是其他什么?例如，如果你在会议上说得太多，考虑一下为什么要这样做。也许你相较于别人的想法更喜欢自己的想法，或者你从来没有想过要少说。那些对行动有偏见的人可能会跳过这一步的反思，直接进入计划和实践——但不要这样做。理解我们为什么做出这些选择对于改变这些选择至关重要。

2.Notice and reflect on what’s driving your lack of self-management. In those moments where you’re not self-managing but would like to, notice how you feel, what you want, and how you are interpreting what’s going on around you. What is driving your actions? Is it lack of awareness in the moment, wanting to look good, lack of skills, insecurity, or something else? If you talk too much in meetings, for example, consider why you do that. Maybe you like your own ideas better than others, or it never occurred to you to talk less. Those of us who have a bias for action may be tempted to skip this step of reflection and move straight to planning and practicing — but don’t. Understanding why we make the choices we make is crucial to changing those choices.

3.考虑你的选择和你对这些选择做出的反应。除了你的默认行为，如果你想要进行自我管理，你还需要做些什么?你对这些选择有何反应?注意你的偏好和习惯是如何出现的，然后问问你自己，当你默认这些习惯和表现时，你在试图避免什么。还是拿在会议上说得太多的例子，你会考虑的一个选择是等其他人发言后再提出你的观点。现在，考虑一下你对这个选项的反应。你是否担心别人会提出你的观点，然后你就得不到赞扬了，又或者别人不会有和你一样的想法，从而做出一个糟糕的决定。

3.Consider your choices and your reactions to those choices. Instead of your default behaviors, if you were self-managing, what else could you do? What is your reaction to those options? Notice how your preferences and habits show up here, and ask yourself what you are trying to avoid when you default to those habits and preferences. Sticking with the example of talking too much in meetings, one option you might consider is waiting for others to speak before offering your perspective. Now, consider your reaction to that option. Are you afraid someone else will make your point and you won’t’ get credit for it, or that others won’t have ideas that are as relevant as yours and a bad decision will be made.

4.制定一个计划。既然你知道自己想要改变什么，并且更好地理解了是什么在驱动着你，同时你又确定了一些选项，那么是时候考虑一下你可以采取的具体步骤了。如果你在会议上发言太多，你的计划可能包括计划你在会议上发言的次数、发言时间或者选择在哪些会议上只听不讲。

4.Make a plan. Now that you know what you want to change, better understand what’s driving you, and have identified some options, think of concrete steps you can take. If you talk too much, your plan might include deciding how many times you will speak in a meeting and for how long, or in which meetings you will only listen and not speak.

5.练习。旧习惯在我们的大脑中根深蒂固。为了改变它们，我们需要创造新的神经通路(新的习惯)，而这些需要练习。如果我们继续讨论在会议上说得太多的例子，练习可能是在心中数着你发表评论的次数，当你达到最大值时停下来——即使你还有一件非常重要的事情要说。重复这样做，直到你能够持续地自我管理这种行为。同时，发现你对练习的回应。你能从你所做的事情中学到什么并从你的反应当中发现对未来的练习有所帮助的地方。

5.Practice. Old habits are hard-wired into our brains. To change them, we need to create new neural pathways (new habits), and this requires practice. If we stay with the example of talking too much in meetings, practice might look like counting your comments and stopping when you hit your maximum — even if you have just one more very important thing to say. Do this repeatedly until you are consistently able to self-manage that behavior. At the same time, explore your reactions to your practice. What can you learn from what you’re doing, and from how you’re reacting, that can inform your continued practice?

6.重复这个过程。回到第二步，观察你的努力，反思你的选择，修改计划，并多加练习。在每个连续的迭代中，你将了解更多关于你是如何操作、是什么在驱动你的行为以及你如何去改进它的信息。

6.Repeat the process. Go back to step two and observe your efforts, reflect on your choices, revise the plan, and practice some more. In each successive iteration, you’ll learn a bit more about how you’re operating, what’s driving your behavior, and how you can improve it.

以自我感觉良好和熟悉的方式行事是很自然的——不去自我管理——然而，如果我们一直这样做，我们就永远不会进步。为了尽可能提高效率，领导者需要超越自我意识，进行自我管理。首先要认识到你目前的行为，考虑其他的选择，然后投入必要的努力来抵制最熟悉或最舒服的行为。要致力于有效地执行最有成效的工作。

It’s natural to behave in ways that feel good and familiar — to not self-manage — and yet, if we did this all the time, we’d never get better at anything. To become as effective as possible, leaders need to move beyond self-awareness to self-management. Start by recognizing your current actions, considering alternative options, and then putting in the hard work required to resist what may be most familiar or comfortable. Instead, commit to effectively executing what is most productive.

詹妮弗·波特(Jennifer Porter)|文

詹妮弗·波特是领导力和团队发展公司博达集团(Boda Group)的执行合伙人。她毕业于贝茨学院(Bates College)和斯坦福大学商学院(Stanford graduate School of Business)，她是一名经验丰富的运营高管，也是一名行政高管和团队教练。

黄元|译  周强|校